Dating advice for the shy guy


28-Oct-2019 05:20

I’d see naturally extroverted people easily bouncing around at bars and pubs, meeting new people and saying hi to their many friends, and feel overwhelmed with feelings of envy and shame that I just “wasn’t like that.” Years later, I must have looked like a cartoon character when I read Dale Carnegie’s for the first time – I could practically feel the light bulb springing to life above my head and illuminating me.Among the many things that book illuminated for me, the most fundamental was this: people skills are just that – skills.Unfortunately for my younger self, time travel continues to not be a real thing , so I can’t go back to share my newfound wisdom with 21-year-old Dave.But what I can do is provide advice for shy guys who want to get better at socializing today, rather than a decade from now.My failure to understand how both those things could be true caused me a lot of cognitive dissonance and discomfort.Learning that it’s perfectly possible to be introverted, if not exactly shy, alleviated a lot of anxiety for me.

Naturally we’re left with the impression that this is how we should be, too.“The more you focus on negativity, the more synapses and neurons your brain will create that support your negative thought process,” write Susan Reynolds and Teresa Aubele in .Think of your brain as a sort of sponge: it soaks up what you put into it.Next time you’re in a situation where you have to choose between keeping to yourself or striking up a conversation with a stranger, try to remember that they probably want you to make the first move as much as you want them to.

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that I realized just how different introversion and shyness are.

Part of the reason I found talking to other people so intimidating in my early 20s is because I erroneously assumed that I was a below-average socializer.