Dating a pleaser
This may come after an awakening or realization that she is discontent or that her current partner is not a match for her after all.Maybe the pleaser begins to assert himself, but the tracks are too deeply grooved and the other partner is not responsive to the pleasing partner’s new protests.It’ll take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of “yes” to everything. Create some boundaries and make your voice heard and your opinion matter. He may be shut down and shut out more firmly than before, so any attempt to correct the imbalance leads him to the conclusion that he is stuck in an unchanging, painful dynamic.Turning away from his partner to fulfill his needs is much more appealing.For most of us, in those moments, we feel aligned to that person because we either know from experience or can imagine what she or he must be feeling after such a revelation.We may become triggered, wondering if our own relationship is vulnerable to an affair, and how we would get through such a traumatic experience.
Pleasers often end up in places they do not want to be: they marry the person their parents adore; they propose because that is the next logical step; they have babies because their spouse is ready for parenthood.Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.Good is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, medical treatment, or therapy.Over time, the pleaser disappears in the relationship. And when both partners are not showing up and representing themselves as two distinct individuals the, relationship can become ripe for an affair. The pleaser may cheat because she is extremely unhappy but doesn’t have the skills and sense of worth to speak up.
Instead of using her voice to express her needs to the other partner, her pain may lead her into the arms of an attentive or exciting other.Pleasers may stay in a relationship because that is what they feel they are supposed to do.